whoa, this is really gonna happen

i'd nearly forgotten about this blogy-blog! and then i remembered. so never fear. i looked back over some older posts and thought, "hey, i was supposed to have a theatre by now!" oh, silly 26 year old me. the years have made we wiser however i still haven't DONE anything. let's change that. it's time to just pick a damn show and do it. throw the money into the wind and know that what you do will be pretty good. if not damn good.

the thing that sucks is the fear. i hate the fear. loathe it, really. it's the excuse that i keep gripping onto. i need to let that go and start creating. and now.

i met with my friend Samantha the other day and we had a wine soaked blast listening to musicals. tuesdays are now theatre days. from here forward. this should be good :)

has it really been almost a year?

apparently, it has!

work is wearing on me. it makes it hard to be motivated. i have also recently been questioning my abilities. i have my own little vampires. it's such a huge undertaking and i fear i have such little experience. but then i think about work again. and i read the few posts i've completed on this slow starting journey and somewhere along the way i realize that i have to do this. i need more art in my life.

oh yes. that's right. i'm a sewing machine...

less than 11 weeks and i'll be a card carrying master of management for nonprofit agencies. except i don't get a card. i'm also learning how to sew. lets just say, i won't quit my day job yet. a pair of pants went from too loose to quite snug. but at least my seams aren't super jagged.

i feel like i have some amazing ideas and i want to get them all out on the table. too bad they all take so long to polish and refine. i guess it's better to have more projects than not enough.

food for thought

it's been almost six months. i have been busy. finally taking a few courses that matter and now being at the end of my program, i, of course, feel insecure and unprepared to undertake such an ambitious endeavour. obviously my first thought was, "keep going to school, then. get an mfa." perfect. except more school? blarg.

THEN i found this article. here's a quote:

What I am suggesting is moving to a small town with low real estate prices, renting a storefront, gathering a company of actors, pooling your money, and doing show after show without expectation of making money at all. Be sure you keep a detailed journal in which, after each rehearsal, you write down what you did, what worked, what didn't, and how you made your decisions -- this is going to be important for the second part of the learning experience. First, don't charge more than a couple bucks for tickets, because what the audience will be seeing is probably not going to be great. Serve them cookies for free in the lobby at intermission as a way of saying thanks. And then build into every show you do a post-performance drinking session with as many of the audience members as are willing to stay and get them to talk about what they saw, what they liked, when they were bored, when they were grabbed. Listen, don't argue. Probe, don't defend. Then go back to your journal and try to find those moments that the audience said worked and those that didn't and figure out what you did to get there. Get the whole company to do the same thing. There is no value to doing shows like this unless you debrief and consciously learn something from what you did.

And also, and as importantly as doing plays, read. Read books on directing, acting, design, playwriting, aesthetics, art history, philosophy, biography, cultural criticism - anything you can get your hands on that will broaden your references. And read plays -- at least one every other day.

wasn't this my whole idea in the beginning? grow some balls already.

more to come.

the flight

as sure as the day is long, time flies with an efficiency that can only be described as avian. it moves both silently and effortlessly through space, propelling us forward into more a mature and perhaps critical state of mind. we become more aware of consequence and seemingly imminent failure. as red wine will stain the pages of a book we must embrace the new imperfections on the each page and make adjustments accordingly.

the importance of art is becoming clear to me once again. for i had momentarily lost it. lost sight of its purpose and meaning and the sheer amount of sway it can have on individuals, communities, and the world. i am back in the theatre again amongst strangers with whom i know nothing and yet almost everything about. the next three weeks will be devoted to self growth and discovery. prior engagements will stand, however it will be about me. i see great things in the future. i can reach them. touch them. feel them. yet i have not yet figured out how to grasp on.

i feel a shift. change. adjustment. i've matured. i must remember the youthful naivety to bring fresh ideas to the table and use practical experience to breathe life into them.

it is time to create.

a lot to think about

i found out yesterday that one of my coworkers has an extremely rare form of cancer. currently it's in remission, however there is a 100% certainty that it will return. it has in every case that has been recorded. in the same spot. could be a year. could be ten. and then a small piece of the cancer will break off and travel through her blood stream and the cancer will spread to her lungs. inevitable.

the question is, how do you move forward with that news? what gives you the motivation to continue? where do you spend your time?

now is the time to be proactive. now is the time to create. you never know what life is going to throw at you. so get moving.

it shall be called...

the Gallery Theatre & Co.

i am currently taking a course on entrepreneurship of nonprofits. lo' and behold. ready made course project. brace yourselves, y'all, in 7 short weeks i will have a full fledged business plan for this bad boy.

turning point

i am in two courses this quarter. one of the courses is non-profit entrepreneurship. we will be crafting a business plan for a "new ventrue non-profit" over the next ten weeks. we will also be analyzing an established non-profit's business/management model (i will be looking at the minnesota opera) to compare and contrast to our own. i expect great things over the next ten weeks.

just stalling

i do not have a name picked out for this company yet. nor have i really been working on this with any sort of do-diligence. i missed a post about a week and a half ago. i did have a wonderful fantasy this week that i was discovered by a crazy rich donor. i have come to the conclusion that money is going to be the easy way out of this!

i have two textbooks that i would like to work my way through before i start my next courses in april. i'm hoping it gives me a little insight and a leg up. hopefully i will enjoy these courses more and will help me gain insight on how to run this thing.

i really need to make this magic happen.

questions and answers

this week i'm going to be speaking a the founder and director of the Rochester Aria Group. i hope to gain a little insight from someone in the business who has had success on a local level.

well, looky here!

i'm meant to be in the arts. even the color career counselor thinks so:

You're a CREATOR

Keywords

Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

emotionally exhausted

i will not lie. i had scheduled to post this LAST monday and just never did it.

i spent 7 days cruising the caribbean with the family and the folks at carnival cruises and was able to read part of moss hart's autobiography and another book about successfully building theatre companies during that time. each book was inspiring and frightening at the same time. i just have to remember to not doubt myself. failure is an ugly word that i refuse to associate with.

in talking with many people over these last few weeks, the need for a name of this production company has been moved to the top of my list. i would like to have something picked out by the last day of february.

i had the fortune of meeting the musical director for the broadway across america production of dreamgirls. i got to spend a few days with him, hearing about his fab nyc lifestyle/connections and listening to projects and music he's been working on. i also got to see dreamgirls which i enjoyed much more than i thought i would. congrats to sam and the cast!

i've started my class for winter quarter. a masters in mgmt for non-profit agencies is a short 21 months away (which is also when i am planning on opening these shenanigans. (that's september of 2011 for those of you who do not enjoy math.))

i am debating whether or not to audition for the chorus of minnesota opera again in may. mending a few old connections might not be a bad idea right now.

2010 is about 1/24 of the way done and i already have more on my plate than i know what to do with. alas, better than to sit and have nothing to do at all.

inspirational

i was packing up my desk for a move at work today and came across a bunch of fortunes that i've recieved over the past year. i'd like to share some of them:

AQUARIUS: be simultaneously well-grounded and energetic. Keep your feet on the ground as you attempt to reach a new personal best. Find ways to derive excitement from repetitive tasks.

-you will soon embark on a business venture.

-now is a lucky time for you - take a chance.

-your talents will bring you the highest status and prestige.

-you will always possess a charm and sense of humor that attracts others.

-courage is the mastery of fear - not the absence of fear.

-aim high, time flies.

-you will overcome difficult times.

-your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.

-there are many unexpected & thrilling surprises in store for you!

-YOUR CHOICES WILL CHANGE THE WORLD

it's oddly inspiring to read these little tidbits. i'm ready to conquer the world. after a little vacation...

reflection

the holidays are in full swing and looking back, i believe that i started this blog last march. i have not come far. it's silly to me that this is so difficult. this year has presented a difficult plethora of deviation from the status quo, but the one thing that has remained constant is my love of art. it can still stir emotion, create elation or placate me in a matter of moments. i believe in the end this love will guide me on my life journey.

i went to a dear friend/colleague's "preview" doctoral recital last weekend. it was exciting and sad at the same time to hear her sing. she has come a long way in four years. i feel like i've lost my edge. i also ran into my old opera theatre director. it has always easy for me to slough off the suggestions of my family (ie grandma and mom, aunts. etc.) that i should get back into singing, but when someone that really knows what they're talking about tells you, "you shouldn't let that die," you think, "crap. what have i been doing with my life?"

perhaps it would be easier to get back into it if i could focus solely on singing and not have to deal with a mind-numbing eight hour work day every day. sadly, that eight hours a day is a means to a living (or at least food and booze).

i took a class over the summer that dealt with "the Power of Purpose." one thing that i did take away from it is that the fear, or even a slight apprehension, of failure is no reason to not try something, because there is no guarantee of success. ever. it is all what you take away from it in the end.

i've identified two legitimate elements that should help focus this process.

one. learning how to obtain financial backers.

two. making time in my schedule where i can be fully vested in this project.

i am being proactive in both of these areas. i will be taking a few classes over the next few months that deal with donors, volunteers and financial management for non-profits. i have also been trying to schmooze with some people that i see great potential in. build friendships. create excitement in the idea of furthering art. i have also set random reminders on my calendar to check up on my progress. each time a reminder goes off, i'll post something. this way we'll both know if i'm being a lazy ass or not.

on that note. it's time for a food coma. merry christmas to all. even if you don't celebrate, you can still enjoy a day off in honor of it.

The Holidays... Again.

if i said that great strides have been made in the last 5 months, i'd be a damn liar. however i feel that some progress has been made. as i wander the streets of mpls, i see bountiful opportunity for performance spaces. no time like the recession, right?

i've been reading a lot of plays and books on administration, coaching and developing theatres. i'm also preparing to finish my masters degree. i have changed my focus to management in nonprofit agencies. i'm hoping it will shed additional light on the challenges we're facing and how to handle them.

we have done more work with the musical. we have a really great story line and have done some amazing character development. we have also been in contact with a composer who i hope will really help this take off.

i have also started singing again. it helps me get back into the performance mind set. and THAT is exciting.

beginnings, again

i don't know how to drive stick. but i would imagine that starting something like this is similar to learning how to drive stick. you're going to stall a few times before you really get rolling.

the last week brought the untimely passing of my grandmother. may she rest in peace. we will be honoring her memory with the "violet mae performance space" (or something to that effect) once we have established our space. with her passing i have gained new vigor for this idea. this creation. this art.

while i haven't been super focused on the company over the last few months, i have begun collaborations on an original musical which will debut with the company. let's just say, you won't want to miss it.

times are hard

it's been an emotional month. grandmas, lovers. it's been full of trials. not much has happened with the business in that time. but i'm excited to get back on the band wagon and make some magic.

difficult already

i knew that a business plan wouldn't be easy but for real! one step at a time. it may be a while before another post. i need to sufficiently wrap my brain around this one. we learn as we go, no?

on a side note, i don't remember music being this hard. i guess that's what happens when you stop for a few years. but we will prevail!

a collaboration

today L. and i sat down and discussed at great length what we saw this company doing and how it would act within the community. we threw ideas around like involvement and investment, collaboration and actually becoming apart of art. the idea is that everyone will be able to take something away from every show because of a series of checks and balances that will be put into place. they will challenge the artist to look at their art in new ways as well as challenge the patrons and audiences to invest in an idea or concept. it's like art challenging art and people challenging people. and throughout the whole process everyone comes together to be apart of art.

the thing is, i actually believe this! good thing too otherwise i think we'd be on a sinking ship.

so for the next 15 months hopefully you'll see us grow and evolve into something that will challenge you and likewise will encourage you to challenge us. after all that is the idea behind all of this.

beginnings

there is a beginning to everything. you could say that this beginning started a few years ago when i first got the idea in my head that opening a theatre company would be something that interests me. something that i wouldn't mind doing for the rest of my life. but there are certain events that really urge you to start. there are two in my case.

1. i really hate my job. i wake up and think, "crap." i get to work and am immediately bored by the prospect of 8 hours in front of my computer. i've actually gained 33lbs since i started working there. i am unhappy with all of this. so the thought of getting up and actually doing something that i love, thrills me.

2. i am about to lose my first grandparent. this will be the first family member to pass away and at the ripe age of 25 i realized that i need to start doing what i love. because life is short. and precious. and i don't want to be in her position in 50 years and think, "i never did what i loved, and what i was good at."

so we have beginnings.

the proclamation was actually quite abrupt but for the first time it actually felt obtainable. "i am going to put on a musical." this simple statement set my gears into motion and i just happened to tell the right person about this proclamation. L. together we are laying the groundwork for a collaborative arts company that promotes joining the efforts of local artists to put together new productions and art gallery shows. it is community based. it is a network for artists. it is a way to meet new people. it is affordable. it is inspirational. it is a beginning.